On Romance and Rabbits

The love life of my rabbits is enviable.

Let’s start with hierarchy. Dakota is 4 and 2/3 lbs. Without telling you how much I weigh, you can probably guess I’m larger than he is. His girlfriend, Caila weighs at least 2 lbs more than him. Dakota used to weigh only 4 lbs but living large in Colorado has made him put on some love handles. He rolls around in his morning hay like a Buddha or a blowfish on crack.

As far as he’s concerned he owns me and I’m being a good love slave, the minute I give his girl (who routinely sniffs my butt when I feed them; just to make sure she fully understands the full extent of the competition) a little attention he stops all his frolicking, jumps up high comes down and gives her a good growl. Since she’s a bit (well, very) codependent in the situation she gives me a hurt look—like my very existence is required but dangerous to their love-life (bunnies are all about dignity you know). She then dutifully hops over to him and starts licking his ears in apology for my bad behavior.

Things have changed.
I remember some years back my boyfriend giving me a book called ‘Codependent No More’ and sent me off to his therapist who smoked long stemmed cigarettes. She looked at me lazily like I was just another multi-colored mosquito, a radio tuned to static, a female who’d be better off in the Convent or begging for food on the streets vs. begging for love. “What about your cigarettes I’d say to her, aren’t they a dependency of sorts?” She’d take another drag and wait for me to pull a miracle out of butt and heal myself--become a dignified woman like her I suppose.

But do you think Caila needs a bunny therapist or better yet, that Dakota would even consider it? No way. This arrangement works brilliantly for them (well, him). He gets adored by both females. And he gets even more love from her when he gets jealous of my affections towards her.

You see, it all balances out. Caila loves to take long naps. Dakota won’t sleep when she sleeps. Instead he sits next to her, alert and watchful; the protective man. When she’s up and eating, he’ll take his rest. At night when the lights go out, he comes running to me, lays flat on his stomach for his nightly love. He makes cooing and purring sounds before I’ve even touched him. Lately he’s been teaching me how to clean him. He gets his head under my hand, licks it for a long time and then pushes his entire body under my hand.

And while she’s co’ with him, he’s co’ with me. He gets the sniffles when I do. And I’m starting to think he sleeps when I do. He doesn’t sleep in the day when normal rabbits sleep. He has his own kingdom of romance and he doesn’t skimp.

DAKOTA’S LOVE MANIFESTO

• If you don’t adore me, I’ll kick your ass.

• Size never matters. I’ll love you passionately even if you’re Ginormous like Niya and I know I’m a stud no matter my size. I’m not small, they are big. Love is love, period!

• Codependency in my partner is the rightful order of things if she’s not Alpha. I know most female rabbits are Alpha, but that was a mistake from the start. I’m correcting that.

• I eat first and get all the love and females I want but they’ll always have a home with me. I’ll watch over them and protect them no matter what faces us in life.

• If Niya takes us to the Vet I will not apologize for how I hide under Caila. Women are stronger in these cases, that’s just the way things are. Don’t judge me.

• I’m not a Male chauvinist pig, stupid! I’m a rabbit not a pig.

• I like to stand on my back legs and show Niya and Caila by belly and yawn it always brings the girls to their knees. I like that.

• Pet my nose and I’m all yours. I’ll do whatever you want.

• I’m not fat, I’m happy. I’m just a very happy rabbit who knows his priorities: women, food and a little hump here and there when I can get away with it.

I would give you my opinion about all this but Dakota hasn’t asked. And he has this way of freezing me out by putting his ear over his eye when I’m telling his stuff he doesn’t want to hear, so I’ll save it!

Comments

[Verna Wilder]

Your bunnies are hilarious! And does Dakota ever have your number! Love the painting, too. Oh, I wish you posted more often. Your writing knocks my socks off.

[David B. Leikam]

Ah, a very nice and romantic read of sorts, thank you! Sounds like a true predicament and you are a master of names which is not surprising from your mastery of the word itself. It's always a pleasure reading your thoughts and learning about the things going on in your life.

Cheers! :)

[David B. Leikam]

Ah, a very nice and romantic read of sorts, thank you! Sounds like a true predicament and you are a master of names which is not surprising from your mastery of the word itself. It's always a pleasure reading your thoughts and learning about the things going on in you life.

Cheers! :)