Devotion

When my fiancé and I separated over a decade ago, I inherited a lovely white dog. I had named her Kyra. We adopted her from the SPCA for his daughter. This dog became my life partner instead, and she didn't snore at night. I had her for 16 years. She witnessed some of the best parts of my young adulthood. The 8 years spent in Mill Valley in a dance group and working on exciting products for Adobe and Macromedia and others. The many talented people who came in and out of our lives. The sushi parties, the pajama parties, the creek that ran outside our windows, she would sleep on the deck for hours smelling the oak trees and polliwog stained water. She was so smart I could look at the delicate flowers she was about to smash by walking on them and direct her with my eyes on the path to avoid them and she got all of that and did it. We spent 16 years together.

What I remember most was the devotion that was easy emotionally but challenged practically. Especially when it came to renting at a time when to buy a house was a huge pile of cash. I'll admit there were times after a dozen or so rejections of the 'perfect' rental or the abuses from people on hiking paths if she spontaneously did her business when I wondered whether I should rethink having a dog.

That would last about 5 seconds. And then I would decide...the world will just have to 'deal' -- we are good people...me and Mz. Kyra and she's family. And she was adopted into the beginning of a family that still mattered to me, so we would need to be creative about it all. And it did always work out.

She died, my first year in Portland Oregon, 02. I was pursuing my MFA in creative writing, teaching at Portland State and freelancing as a graphic designer. I was also in my 'bike everywhere, don't use a car phase.' She disappeared one day, got lost, had a seizure in the middle of the road. I found her at the pound the next day. When I saw her like that dirty, scared, her brain completely scrambled, I knew her life had run full circle. I was finding her at the same place I had discovered her, at the humane society. And again, like when we adopted her from the SPCA, I would not let them put her down. She would be put down... but not like that.

Fast forward 2 years. I am living amongst friends in Portland. The people across the street own the dog I have taken care of and painted for their wall. I have views of the city. I live in a gorgeous basement apartment for 600.00 per month. The people upstairs are good friends. But no dogs allowed. I decide I don't want to move. Life is good. But I need to take care of something beyond myself. So I get their permission to have a rabbit. That's when I fall in love with the Rogue Rabbit, Dakota. I got him from a feed store and he was full vitriol from the start. I found him fascinating although somewhat dark. He pretty much dismantled his brother's manhood in a fight for dominance. I got his brother a good home and decided to deal with Dakota's character challenged personality. It was my friends upstairs who suggested I get him a mate. That's where Caila comes in. But it took 8 weekends. Most of the girls rejected him. They didn't want an abusive husband. I believe Caila, in her Buddha nature was perplexed by his behavior but also she pitied him. And she may have regretted her choice those first couple years, but now you can't separate them.

Devotion is a funny thing...it expands the world around you. It changes you.

As I'm not quite ready to buy a house (as I'm researching University areas for teaching, etc.) but must move from the house I'm in, I'm struck by the many rejections again...this time for carting around farm animals. There is no consideration of abandoning my rabbit family, they are the best gods on the grass. One potential landlord said, rabbits? Who does that? Don't they smell like manure? I thought of how my rabbits lick on one another all day; cleaning each other, how they are careful to do their business in the same spot of the litter box daily and keep their hay in one pile like it was a juicy steak dinner. And how they never touch the property because they have their own rug in a pen. I smiled, knowing I wouldn't get this beautiful place just a walk from the plaza with the wood stove and Japanese garden.

So we keep moving on, curving to the power of devotion... as long as we are together the rest of it on some level is mechanics.

• • •

DAKOTA: Did she say manure? I've never been so insulted in all my life.

ME: Well, it doesn't take much to insult you.

DAKOTA: Then there are too many insults in the world. At least I have my hay and my girls.

Comments

[Maggie]

As a dog lover, I so completely understand your relationship with Kyra. Lovely writing, Niya

Maggie
http://dailyantidote.typepad.com/daily_antidote_photos_art/

[Liz]

*sniff* and a howl of "Ishkaboo"... and without more e-mail prompts, I totally MISSED your opening, hope it was great! xo

[Elizabeth Hack]

This one's a gem. Thanks for the inspiration. See you this Friday for your opening in Sonoma!

[David Leikam]

HaHa! Lovely and thoughtfully in-depth ... nice one Niya!